Slender Man: Epic Fails
by Tamer Arisa
Summary: Sometimes it just ain't your day. When you try to kill or kidnap someone, destiny intrudes and makes your plans fall into water. Here are the footages of Slendys biggest fails. (Parody to the series Darth Vader: Privat.)
1. Chapter 1

**Fail 01: The Birthday Party**

_(Reminder: Always check what kind of birthday party you interupt.)_

It was a beautiful, warm, spring day. The kids played at the playground, the birds sung... Then out of sudden, one of the birds fell down, dead.

-Stupid animals.- thought the killer. He was clothed in a dark suit, had a bald white head and no face features. His name: Slender Man, known as Slendy.

He glared at the kids who played around a table which had food, drink and a big birthday cake. A perfect place to kidnap one of those pesky little humans and drag'm away, far, far away... Slenderman already found his next victim.

It was a little girl who played in a sandbox. He imitated a childs giggle, to lure her. The girl lift her head as he neared her. She became drowzy and took his hand.

"Emily!" The girl snapped out as she heared someone called for her. The kids stared at the tall man. Slenderman knew they were just kids and they were helpless, so he grabbed the girl and was about to vanish.

"Hey, leave her alone!" said a boy, the birthday kid. If Slenderman had a mouth, he would grin. That stupid boy couldn't harm him.

Little he knew that this birthday party was at the same time a Pináta party.

And the kids didn't seem to be afraid of him.

"Let's get him!" announced the boy, pulling out a stick. The others did the same.

Slenderman sweatdropped.

He let Emily go as the kids hit him with the sticks.

"Hey, give us candies!" yelled an another boy. The others yelled the same while Emily cheered like she was at a wrestling match.

-Damn!- thought Slenderman as he vanished.


	2. Chapter 2

**Fail 02: The Milionth Costumer**

_(Reminder: Always look left and right before you pass the street.)_

It was night. The lights of the street lamps flickered. At a store, the girl behind the stand chew her gum, bored, reading the newspaper. She waited till 9, when the shop was supposed to close.

She didn't knew she was observed.

The Observer was standing under a street lamp on the opposite side of the empty street and glared at the shop. He made a step forwards, slowly, very slow, walking to the middle of the street.

"BIIIIIP!"

Slenderman almost jumped out of his skin as a car passed in front of his nose, with the angry driver cursing and giving him "teh finger" for walking on the middle of the street. Slenderman sweatdropped and got, quicker then expected, on the other side.

He then looked at the shop. The woman inside had no idea in what danger she was. He entered the shop.

At the same time as he entered it, an alarm turned on, with confety flying around Slendy. An another worker came to him, holding a large check and a microphone. With him was a guy who held a camera.

Slendy was totally confused.

"Congratulations!" said the mad with the microhphone. "You are our milionth costumer. Here's your prize. A check for a year supply of our marshmallow and chocolate flavored cornflakes. May you tell me your name, sir?"

Since he hadn't a mouth, Slendy muttered something like "mummmumm, mummmum".

He then turned around and walked out.

-Damn.- he thought. He then looked at the check. -Hmmm, marshmallow and chocolate flavored cornflakes? Sounds good.-


	3. Chapter 3

THX for the reviews.

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**Fail 03: The Granny**

_(Reminder: Never attack a granny.)_

He was standing on the middle of the street. The people were passing him, but he was invisible to them. He was invisible to everyone but an old lady who was walking a dog. They went to the park, and Slendy followed them.

It was already evening and there weren't many park visitors. The granny stopped as her dog, a sort of terrier, stopped to smell a tree.

"Com'n Mr. Poddles. We gotta go home. Granny needs to prepeare dinner and watch her favorite soap opera." said the old lady, totally oblivious to the tall man in suit behind her.

The dog felt the presence of the man and started to bark at him.

"Mr. Poddles, what's wrong?" asked the old lady and she then saw Slendy who spread his tentackles. "Oh my!" She held her heart.

-Finnaly a victim who dosen't fight back.- thought Slendy and was about to grab her with his tentackles.

"Oh, such a sweet costume!" said the old lady, suddenly all excited. Slendy sweatdropped.

-Stupid! I'm supposed to scare you off!- he thought angrily. He then grabbed her by her hand, with which she held a bag. He wanted to dragg her away, as he felt that the dog had bit him at his leg. -Stupid animal!-

He wanted to kill the dog, as he suddenly felt the granny get free from her restraintments. He rose his head, as a full strike with the bag hit him from upwards, and then a new one from downwards, making Slendy fly backwards a few feet away.

"That's what you get you stalker! You won't get an old lady like me." she said, taking out a brick from her bag. "Good that my self-defence instructor told me to always have my bag with me."

Slendy saw stars flying around his head. He wanted to get up, as a brick came flying and hit him into his head, knocking him out.

-Damn!- he thought dizzily, and then fell down.


End file.
